DAVID'S WILD TRIP
SCENE I
SCENE I
(By Evie & Hannah)
EXT. BUS STOP - EARLY MORNING
DAVID is frazzled looking, struggling to breath after running for the bus that leaves just before he gets to the stop. His tie is askew, and body doubles over as he tries to catch his breath. Rain drenches him as he waits by the un-sheltered bus stop for the next bus.
DAVID, mid 40s, businessman and father, fed up with his job after years of monotonous data analysing, curses under his breath.
DAVID (VO)
(Scuffing his shoes in a puddle)
Fuck, fuck, fucking bus! Dick head drivers never wait for me, he clearly saw me in the mirror. But no, he had to drive off. It's not like I was a mile away, I was at the end of the bloody thing. I'm too late, there's no point going in. Mike's gonna fire me for sure now. I could talk to him about Jules. But she's been ill for a week now and I've used this excuse too much. Getting the kids ready takes up too much of my morning, I haven't adjusted to it yet. One of them is always ready, the other's almost always still asleep or bugging me to eat chocolate.
The bus arrives. DAVID gets on and taps in his oyster card. He shuffles down the bus to the wheelchair area. His phone starts to ring.
DAVID
Hello?
MIKE
Where are you? You are late again.
DAVID holds the phone at arms length, sighs and returns it to his ear.
DAVID
Mike, look, I'm sorry. Jules has been so ill this week. Mate, look, um, I'm really struggling here. I'm not coping. I'm on my way now. I'll be in just after 10.
MIKE
(Angrily)
Just get your arse here now.
The phone clicks as MIKE hangs up.
CUT TO:
SCENE II
(By Heidi and Felicity)
EXT. ALIEN PARK - JOB FAIR - MORNING
DAVID stumbles onto the grass from the conveyor belt, holding a mystery packet of frozen veg and a mystery ointment. He looks around wildly.
BENEDICT
Oy, DAVE, where you been, arsehole?
DAVID
What? Benedict, I know it's no excuse,
but I woke up in a house that's not mind and-
BENEDICT
Ben
DAVID
What?
BENEDICT
Call me Ben, Dave.
DAVID
David.
BENEDICT
Grab some fliers, Dave. Today's when we lure in
gullible virgins. And maybe some grad students, eh?
DAVID sighs.
BENEDICT
Why are you doing that? What's wrong with you.
DAVID
Uh, I don't know.
BENEDICT
You look like shit. Like, tomato shit.
DAVID is becoming red in the face and his head is swollen. The frozen veg or the ointment is making it worse, the other is making it better. Trouble is, he's got no idea which so continues applying both.
DAVID
Language, please, Benedict.
BENEDICT
Whatever you please, cheeky fucker. Fliers. Now. Weed... later.
BENEDICT whacks DAVID on the back. DAVID stumbles forward but looks back.
DAVID
I've told you it's wildly inappropriate
to invite me to your parties!
(To the camera, breaks the fourth wall)
Even here you're still a prick.
Behind him, BENEDICT obscenely wiggles his hips mockingly at DAVID. DAVID sighs and continues stumbling to a table.
CUT TO:
DAVID's wearing a blue tooth mic headset, pressing the ice packet and ointment simultaneously on his swelling, dejected face.
DAVID
Riches. Precious metals. Is this what you're looking for in a job?
Some students stop.
DAVID
Then being the face of the number one
cleaning agent for precious metals is for you!
They drop the fliers and leave, grumbling.
DAVID
Jewelry! Cutlery? Candelabras!
He gives up. He looks out at the park. The puddles are purple. The wealthy company tables have holograms. The benches are levitating. DAVID's definitely not in Kansas anymore.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
SCENE III
INT. OFFICE - DAY
DAVID walks out from the office. He looks passive as he gets back to his desk, without showing his true anger.
DAVID (VO)
Did you just see that douche bag over there? A little
bit less on the paycheck and it would've been worth
smashing his brains on the side walk. Fuck arsehole.
DAVID sits down and the phone immediately rings. He takes a deep breath before smiling (sarcastically) as he picks it up.
DAVID
C&C tech. How can I help you?
CLIENT
Finally! I've been put on hold for more than
20 minutes! Do you think that's even acceptable?
DAVID
Okay, I'm sorry sir. I wasn't aware of your
issue but if you could let me know as.....
CLIENT
Oh you want to know what my issue is? I'll tell you. Incompe-
tence! You and this service is my issue - it's unacceptable!
DAVID
But what is your problem sir?
CLIENT
My TV service has been off for two months and I just got
a letter to pay a service like I've been using it. Let
me tell you, I won't pay for this! I will not!
DAVID
Can you provide me your client ID number
please? So I can take a look at it?
CLIENT
DIDN'T YOU HERE ME?? I AM NOT....
(continuing, but muffled)
DAVID (VO)
(Eyes closed)
Can this day get any worse? First that fat idiot sitting
on his arse without doing anything but yelling to every-
one and now this.
He looks up at the clock.
DAVID (VO)
(sighs, looking out at window)
Just five more houses to go.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
SCENE IV
(By Miki and Zainab)
INT. A TRAIN CARRIAGE - EARLY MORNING
The carriage is empty except for three people. DAVID is sitting on one end of the carriage next to the window. He has just finished work and is playing Candy Crush on his phone. PASSENGER 1 is standing by the doors. She is wearing a green shalwar kameez and socks with sandals. PASSENGER 2 is on the other end of the carriage, tapping his foot to the beat of the music coming from his headphones
PASSENGER 1
(Singing quietly)
You're insecure,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you walk through the door
Don't need make-up,
To cover up
Being the way that you are is enough
DAVID looks up with a confused look before returning to his game.
PASSENGER 1 moves closer to DAVID
PASSENGER 1
Hey, do you think I have a good voice?
DAVID ignores her, too involved in his game
PASSENGER 1 sits down next to DAVID
PASSENGER 1
Excuse me? I asked you something
DAVID
Sorry?
PASSENGER 1
I said, do you think I have a good voice?
DAVID
(Politely but curt)
Uh, yes.
PASSENGER 1 beams widely and begins singing again, louder this time
PASSENGER 1
You’d rather leave me broken
Than whole with an empty heart
We were better left unspoken
Than the million miles apart
You know that one?
DAVID nods
PASSENGER 1
That was a good one. It came out after that traitor Zayn left the group.
DAVID locks his phone in the middle of the game and slams it down on his lap.
DAVID
What did you say about Zayn?
PASSENGER 1
(Singing)
You say there’s nothing left to fight for
‘Cause this feels like too much
Your heart is too afraid to -
DAVID
(Singing loudly)
I'm seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure
Nobody but you, 'body but me, 'body but us
Bodies together
PASSENGER 1
What a shit song.
DAVID
Pillow talk is perfect. It's done better than any of One Direction's songs ever did.
PASSENGER 1 stands up on the seat and points at DAVID
PASSENGER 2
(Screams)
TRAITOR!
PASSENGER 2, on the other end of the carriage, finally notices the other two. He takes off his headphones to listen to what's going on.
DAVID
(Singing)
Pillow talk
My enemy, my ally
Prisoners
Then we're free, it's a thriller
PASSENGER 2 rolls his eyes and unplugs his headphones from his phone
PASSENGER 2
What do you mean?
(Singing)
Ohh ohh ohh
What do you mean?
Better make up your mind
What do you mean?
One Direction and Zayn are nothing. Justin is the only one with real talent.
Suddenly, music begins blasting from the train speakers. They all look up in surprise.
# Let it go,
Let it go,
Can't hold me back anymore
Let it go,
Let it go,
Turn away and slam the door #
DAVID, PASSENGER 1 and PASSENGER 2 all join in
ALL
(Singing)
I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway
FADE TO:
BLACK
SCENE V
(By Asha and Brandon)
DAVID arrives home:
INT. DAVID'S HOME - NIGHT.
DAVID's wife - wearing a pink dressing gown, with matching fluffy slippers, her hair neatly done up in a bun - stares at the TV, with a nature special of DAVID ATTENBOROUGH talking about black widows. The front door is heard to open to the sound of wood chimes, and closes. David is heard, off-screen.
DAVID (off-screen)
Darling? I'm home. Where are you?
No reply. DAVID (out of breath) enters into the living room, wearing a black suit, after putting his bag and coat away. His shirt is disheveled, and tie loose. Hair is messy.
DAVID
Oh, sorry I'm late. It's been such a busy day.
Wouldn't believe what happened at work......
Silence. David tries to put on an awkward smile. Wife makes eye contact and continues to stare at the screen.
DAVID
The boss made me stay late, I had to finish some filing, go over some other projects and emails...apparently I haven't been keeping on top of them... but I'm home now.
DAVID gives out a sigh and looks exasperated. He wants sympathy. WIFE still says nothing, intently watching DAVID ATTENBOROUGH - unlike her David, with whom she still hasn't looked at yet. DAVID watches the screen for a moment - he seems disinterested. DAVID begins to walk slowly around the living room, attempting to break the tension.
DAVID
So what's that you're watching?
Looks interesting. Spiders, eh?
DAVID nods his head, with hands in his pockets. The wife says nothing. David now gets to the living room table, and pours himself a scotch from their liquor cabinet. As he pours, his hand trembles slightly - noticing the calendar date on the table, circled in big red pen. He remembers: today was their anniversary. DAVID finishes his drink in one gulp. He turns to look at his wife, who has still got her back to him, watching the TV. He pours another drink . He sighs.
DAVID
Oh no, I'm so sorry. I forgot again.
He walks back over to his wife and turns to look at her, close to the TV, but not directly in front of it. She is still silent.
DAVID
Baby, I'll make it up to you, I promise. I've been working
a lot lately, been paid over-time! We can afford
a second honeymoon! Whatever you want, just name it.
ATTENBOROUGH is now audible on the TV and we can hear his narration:
ATTENBOROUGH
And here, we can see the female black widow devour her male counterpart, after they have mated and he is no longer required...
The WIFE finally turns to DAVID, giving him an icy stare. She stands, with one hand on her hip.
WIFE:
I'm going to bed. You can sleep on the sofa.
She briskly leaves, leaving DAVID dazed and confused. He takes another gulp of his whiskey, staring at the TV.
FADE TO:
BLACK
SCENE VII
(By Richard and Ryan)
INT. DAVID'S HOME - NIGHT
DAVID's WIFE has just gone to bed. He is on the sofa watching TV. There's a beer on the table beside him (special brew). He turns the TV on and starts falling asleep while the adverts roll.
TV
Don't you want to get away? When's the
last time you got the chance to escape?
DAVID can barely keep his eyes open as he starts nodding off.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
A MAN, wearing a suit, clean-shaven, young, appears on the TV. DAVID's eyes widen as the MAN begins talking to him.
MAN
Is your life shitty? I mean, look at yourself.
DAVID takes a glance at his disheveled appearance and shrugs.
DAVID
Huh?
MAN
(More forcefully)
Yes, you David. Don't you know how much time you've
wasted? You're no better than a drunk on the street!
Look at me, I've got a better car than you.
Fancy car appears on screen as MAN shakes his keys.
MAN
A huge house!
Fancy house appears behind MAN.
MAN
And I've got a gorgeous wife.
MAN presses his keys and, to DAVID's disbelief, DAVID's WIFE exits the car dolled up extravagantly. DAVID sits up, stunned.
MAN
You see, David, there's something that
separates me from you. I have ambition.
(Even more forceful) I build empires!
DAVID
What do you mean? I work, I pay taxes, I pay my bills-
MAN
(Interrupting)
-And that's the problem, David. You live your life
adhering to the rules. Never moving forward! You
won't even get off your fat arse now. Do it. Why
don't you do it? Why don't you switch me off?
(More aggressive)
Do it motherfucker! Switch me off! I bet you can't.
White noise emits from the TV. DAVID struggles to collect himself. He slowly raises himself from the sofa and stumbles forward. He knocks over a can of beer and it pours over the floor. The beer contacts exposed wires by the TV and creates sparks.
MAN
I can't believe you actually stood
up. Will you actually do it?
MAN hurls abuse at DAVID and laughs as he draws closer. DAVID puts his finger on the on/off switch.
MAN
Ha ha ha! Wait-
DAVID presses button.
FADE TO:
BLACK
#EASTENDERS THEME TUNE DRUMS PLAY#
DAVID wakes up suddenly, spilling his beer. The Eastenders credits are playing on the TV
DAVID (VO)
What the fuck just happened? Was that a dream?
FADE TO:
BLACK
THE END
